


The Darkest Moments With Heavy Heart

by tnnyoh



Category: BioShock Infinite
Genre: Gen, Heavy Angst, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, mentions of extreme violence, reference to the wounded knee massacre
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-25
Updated: 2018-02-25
Packaged: 2019-03-23 18:50:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13793985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tnnyoh/pseuds/tnnyoh
Summary: Before they face off against Comstock, Booker remembers his past sins.





	The Darkest Moments With Heavy Heart

“Elizabeth” He said, taking a seat.  She had been silent for a long time, He wondered if something in her broke at Comstock house.

“What is it?” She asked, her voice lacked the innocence it used to, Booker knew that his job was to come to Columbia to repay a debt, but he owed a much bigger one to Elizabeth.  

“Are you sure, absolutely sure that you don’t want to just forget about all of this and go to Paris?”

“Booker,  _stop_ ”

“Elizabeth,  _Paris_ , like you talked about….” There was a kind of frantic tone in his voice, he was afraid, not of facing Comstock, but what it would turn Elizabeth into.

She looked to the ceiling of the small house they stopped in, She didn’t want to stop, but the pair hadn’t slept in so long it was starting to affect them. Elizabeth had almost passed out more than once after Booker rescued her from Comstock house.

“Come on Elizabeth” He said urgently “Paris, the eiffel tower, blue skies” He trailed off as she shook her head

“Booker” She said, getting up and pacing the room, taking a moment to pause and cross her arms “I don’t care about Paris anymore, all I want to do is see that man die”

“Elizabeth, you can’t… you can’t come back from-”

“From what, Booker?!” She shouted “From killing? I already killed Fitzroy!”

“That was-that was different, you were trying to save that child”

“Was it, Booker?” She stepped forward, a hard expression on her face “Was it really different?” She threw her hands up into the air “I killed her, I ended her life, and now I’m going to end Comstock’s life”

Booker didn’t know what to say, he couldn’t believe where he was, where they had both ended up.  He took a shaking breath “Elizabeth” he said again, almost choking on the weight of the words “Paris….”

“Tell me something, Booker” She said, still pacing, still angry, still tired. “When you watched the light go out of the eyes of the men, women and children who died that day, and for what, Booker?”

“I…”

“No, tell me about the battle, tell me all the lives that ended because of what you and your men did, I want to hear all about it from you”

“Elizabeth, I can’t”

“You killed those people because why, Booker, Why did you do it? you watched as they burned alive”

“It was war time, tensions were high and everyone was afraid of them”

Elizabeth uncrossed her arms and sat beside Booker, taking a deep breath “Afraid of them? Booker, they were people”

“I know, but them that were with me, they didn’t care, everyone was either racist and hated the indians or they pretended they did regardless of their true feelings.  Some just wanted to belong”

“Who would want to belong in a world of so much hate?” Elizabeth pondered “It’s disgusting”

Booker shook his head “They were different, and different was something to be feared, to be beat down.  I don’t know why I lost it that day, something broke inside me, all that hate, all the xenophobia around me… I killed those people, I.. I just” He started to stammer, he couldn’t even look her in the eyes

“I couldn’t live with what I did, I still can’t, I think about it every single damn day of my life, they had names, but I didn’t know em, they had lives, but I took those from them, It wasn’t fair, none of it was fair.  I went to get away from it all, I wanted an escape, a fresh start. An excuse to pretend I never set foot at wounded knee…. But I couldn’t go through with it, it wouldn’t have made a damn bit of difference, it wouldn’t have taken it away.”

“Booker” She said softly, placing a hand on his shoulder “What you did was horrible, but you felt remorse for it”

“Remorse don’t change what I did, Elizabeth,” He pushed himself up “I need to get some air”

“Booker, wait.” She said, walking up behind him “When I first met you, and you killed those men in the ticket station.. I called you a monster”

“You were right”

“No, I wasn’t.” Elizabeth said “You’re not a monster, you’re just a man.”

“A man who comited horrible atrocities against innocent people, what makes me any different than Comstock?”

“Comstock doesn’t feel any remorse for the things he’s done” She said angrily “Comstock believes that he’s right, that he has some divine right to his ‘ideals’”

She grabbed his hand in hers “You are nothing like that, you knew what you did was wrong.  Comstock kept me prisoner for years in that tower, and months at Comstock house, He had those doctors perform horrible things on me, he called it medical procedure, but it was just torture, Booker.”

“Elizabeth, I’m so sorry I didn’t come to get you sooner”

“You had no idea Booker, you couldn’t have known where you were, where I was.  We’re traveling through infinite realities here, strange worlds we’ve been lost in”

“I don’t want to be lost here anymore Elizabeth, I want to get out of here, I want to take you to Paris, this place, it’s wrong, it’s all wrong.”

“No, Booker, Comstock needs to die for what he has done, not just to me, but all of Columbia.  He has to die, and I have to be the one to kill him.”

“Okay Elizabeth, We’ll go, we’ll find Comstock and -I- will kill him”

Elizabeth glared angrily at him “No, that is not how this is going to happen, I have to do this!”

“Elizabeth, I can’t let you turn into-”

“Turn into what, Booker?!” she yelled

“Me” He said, looking away from her

“What?”

“I don’t want you to turn into me, Fitzroy was defense, you saw her harming another and you did what you had to do, if you kill Comstock it will be a revenge kill, it will be premeditated and… Elizabeth, you can’t, and you won’t… come back from that kind of kill”

“Let’s just go, Booker, Let’s get this over with”

 

 


End file.
